Valentine’s Day – the National holiday to shower those you love/like with tasteless heart shaped candy, chocolate and other decadent treats, oh and spend a small fortune on those overpriced cards and stuffed animals. Bah humbug! I became a Valentine’s Day scrooge a long time ago…way back in 7thgrade. I had a mouth full of braces and was a no make-up kind of girl. I also had little to no fashion sense, but I did have the attention of a really cute boy. Let’s call him Jeremy. I really liked Jeremy and when he lead me at recess to the back of the woodworking building to plant a kiss on me, I floated off to my next class barely paying attention.
The next day was Valentine’s Day and we agreed to exchange gifts. After kissing me again, Jeremy gave me the cutest little red, stuffed monster that said, “Be Mine!” No problem. In my mind, I was already there. My gift, unfortunately, was a deal breaker. For some ridiculous reason, I thought I would give him music, well, a specific song actually. You might be thinking, “How nice! What’s wrong with that?” My song choice was horrible and embarrassing, but I didn’t realize it at the time (thank goodness I switched schools for 8thgrade).
As I handed over my gift, he was speechless. I would be, too if someone handed me a 45 of Rod Stewart’s “Do you think I’m sexy?” I was so far from sexy and didn’t even know what sexy was or what sex was. (My kids would laugh at me. I hope they aren’t reading this. If you are, GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK! And there was NO tongue with the kissing. It was actually on his cheek girls. Really. It was. JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK!).
I guess I thought a gift from home would be sufficient. My gift selection was so bad that the next day, I was kicked to the curb. Dumped. He never spoke to me again. Of course, I completely freaked Jeremy out. I would dump me, too. He was “way too cool and popular anyway,” I rationalized; it was bound to happen.
By tenth grade, my best friend Shannon filled me in on the real importance of Valentine’s Day. “It’s not about the cards, gifts and boyfriends,” she explained. “It’s about the deals you get…the day after!” And of course, it was all about the chocolate. “Here! Try these!” she said, offering me an unlimited amount of chocolates from the biggest heart-shaped box I had ever seen. The box was massive, and I watched as she dove in, trying a bite of almost half the box. And if she didn’t like something, she simply just spit it out…and tried another.
So, you see, Valentine’s Day is not about being in a relationship with the pressure of buying gifts, and cards that could pay for a Grande Starbucks drink. It’s a time to work the system people! Now, go out there February 15th and have the best day-after Valentine’s Day ever!
Monday, February 15, 2016
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