If you missed today's inspiring show featuring
Dr. Harriet Lerner, listen to our conversation here.
Dr. Harriet Lerner, listen to our conversation here.
Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.
Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.
In WHY WON’T YOU APOLOGIZE? Lerner offers a fresh theoretical perspective and practical advice on a number of subjects, including:
- The five best ways to ruin an apology—and how to decode apologizes that only deepen the original injury.
- What drives the non-apologizer--and the female over-apologizer?
- How can the hurt party get through to the defensive non-apologizer?
- What is necessary to set things right when a serious betrayal (abuse, neglect or infidelity) has occurred in the past?
- Why people who do the worst things are the least able to take responsibility and feel remorse.
- How to get past life-draining anger and resentment when we’ll never get the apology or validation we deserve?
- Why forgiving too quickly—or at all—can hurt you.
- The one simple sentence that will teach children to apologize.
"Most wonderfully, Lerner tackles absent apologies that hurt and demoralize. She considers forgiving vs. letting go and shows readers how to have one without the other...Highly recommended for mental health professionals and anyone struggling to offer an apology, hoping for one, or wishing to move on – with or without forgiving." Library Journal
Harriet Lerner, PhD is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for several decades. A distinguished lecturer, consultant, and psychotherapist, she is the author of numerous scholarly articles and popular books, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger. She and her husband live in Lawrence, Kansas and have two grown sons.
